So I give God praise for knowing me so well and protecting even the innermost desires of my heart. Yes, I just mentioned the desires of my heart. Yes, I am talking about boys again. Yes! Build a bridge. Get over it. And then keep reading. Great, thanks!
Let's readdress the standard that I wrote about a few blogposts ago, hmm. I've come up with another standard. No, it's not off the top of my head; it comes straight from the depths of my heart. And it's something that has more to do with the expectations I have for myself than what I expect from a man.
Here is the big epiphany: I don't want to be just another 1 out of 100 in the line of girls that a guy goes through (i.e. flirts with, gets phone numbers from, goes out with, etc) before he finds the one (his wife). I hate the idea of being one of the many rejected. It's not the idea of rejection that gets me; it's the concept of being tried out and cast off. What comes to mind is the story of Esther. Out of the many women who were chosen to go before the king during his search to replace the former queen Vashti, only one would be chosen to be his queen. All the other women would be sent to his harem to live... cast off... having been briefly considered (and used to some degree) and then deemed not suitable. Something tells me that the essence of that experience is not meant to be duplicated in my life. The mature man that I am waiting for should know what he's looking for, so very exactly that he'll pass by countless girls who might be it because he has the image (granted by the Lord) of me in his spirit. (Am I being super spiritual? I think not.)
I think about how God fashioned Eve out of Adam's rib. Adam had to look inward (in the Spirit, so to speak) to find Eve, and he recognized her when he saw her in the natural. Why should my story be any different? God made it work perfectly that way, and Adam had an amazing appreciation from Eve without having to test drive any other models. I'm not saying that my husband can't have ever gone out with anyone. That's silly... I'll just be very reluctant to respond if I'm the 50th girl he approaches in period of time short enough and recent enough for me to notice any of numbers 40 to 49. I am not a consolation prize.
I am a romantic. The idea of a man going into the presence of God to pray and seek God's face concerning who he will join himself to in the future thrills me! It makes my stomach flip flop when I think that someone will one day do that and maybe a picture of my face will float to the forefront of his mind. Because then when the brother knows that I am given to him from God, then he will understand my worth and how much God loves, cherishes, and honors me. Because of this, he'll be able to do the same. Then he won't have a big problem pursuing me. Then he'll have tunnel vision and won't have to plow through proverbially nameless and faceless girls to get to me. Then I won't be tried out and discarded. Then I will be found.
Dig deeper, kind sir, dig deeper. I can truly only be located in the presence of God.
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