"Wake Up, Gavri."

Lord, open my eyes to see

Your glory and not the situation around me.

Surround me,

Remind me

that this life's not about me

And the blessings that flow from Your hand

come in Your time and not at my demand.

Today I woke up, at a later time than I want to share (when I feel bad, I sleep late... yeah, not really okay), and I was not in the highest of spirits. Ten minutes, after I got up, my neighbor came over to ask me if I had gotten her email about a job fair. As it turned out, there was a job fair that was going on at Bank of America downtown until 4, and they were doing interviews on site. Well, my first reaction was a negative one; I asked myself, "What's the point?" I decided to go because I just couldn't justify passing up an opportunity. I didn't want to later question whether I had missed my job or not. So I threw on my suit like Superman! lol I got all my stuff together and printed some more resumes. Time for a tangent...


Since I haven't replaced my printer ink in about a year and a half, I've taken to printing at Kinko's. So when I walked in there in my business suit and slingback pumps, there was a man at the front desk to greet (that's customary). What was not customary was the *I'm interested* smile on his face. Not only that, but this nice gentleman decided to try to make conversation with me by asking if my heels were 3 or 4 inches. Seriously? I turned around, laughed, looked down at my heels, and told him that they were probably 2.5 inches. Gotta be able to sustain. Fun times.


Back on track. I set off for the job fair, and the whole time I was feeling really convicted (good) and somewhat condemned (bad) about having had such a bad attitude. Let me break it down. I have been having a really rough time. Being without a job is an emotional rollercoaster! OMG. Monday was a day of very high spirits. Tuesday wasn't nearly as good. And I have really good moments and days when my faith is pretty strong and my praise is consistent, but then I have really poor moments of blah-ness and sadness. I need more consistency. And I don't want my blessing to come while I'm in the middle of a temper tantrum! That's what I was really beating myself up about while I was on my way to the job fair.


As it turns out, I never made it to the job fair. When I left the house, I'd forgotten to write down the address for the location of the fair. Having such a good memory, I just decided to keep it moving. Unfortunately, I ended up driving around downtown for about 35-40 minutes before finally ending up where I thought I should have been. However, after stopping twice to ask about the job fair, I still didn't know where it was. I made 5 phone calls trying to get the address, and finally called my brother to have him look it up in my email. By that time, it was 3:30. (Job fair was to end at 4.) By 3:50, I still couldn't find the place. So I headed home, but I take this as a wake up call. When God blesses me, I won't have to hang my head, ashamed of the fact that I've been bitter and untrusting of Him. Instead, I will continue to rejoice when I receive my blessing because I will have been rejoicing all along. See, I'm not just seeking His hand. I want His heart, and I want Him to be pleased with me.


Can't stay down any longer.