Honestly, this post just came together on its own in my life. I mean, I've been living it. Let me tell you about it.
Let me start by saying that I have been in a season of unemployment for almost 9 months. WOW, right? Yes, I know. The past 4 days have been some very challenging days, and to be frank, I think there have been some instances of depression. For example, today when my sister came home from work, she asked me if I had found any other jobs for which I could apply. I shook my head "no" and promptly covered my face and began to cry. I've been feeling so miserable, trapped, lost, frustrated, and discouraged. I these feelings are all related to my job search, let's not even consider any other situations in my life. (Talk about overload.)
Well, praise the Lord, I had already planned to go to my exercise class. Zumba! It made me smile - I mean, I couldn't resist - and it really worked off some of my pent up frustration. I then topped that hour long class off with 25 minutes on the elliptical. *Yes, I am patting myself on the back... Since this is the 2nd time I've worked out in months. Frowny face.*
So when I got back home, I didn't really have the energy to pout or sink into the lightly depressed state that seemed to await me. So after eating pizza ($2 of which I paid for in quarters... Too Gangsta) for dinner, I pulled out a wonderful book that I have now concluded is a glorious treasure. Prayers That Avail Much V.1! The book is full of prayers/confessions, which I think is quite amazing. The prayers are just different Scriptures woven together. So 2 of the prayers that I looked at were "To Walk in the Word" and "Wives". I'm just gonna be real: I can't resist reading materials that have to do with being married, being a wife, or being a husband (I like to get inside the mind of men. Shhhh, don't tell anyone.) And you're probably wondering, You didn't look at the entries on Unemployment and Rejoicing? Actually, yes, those too.
However, it seems that my spiritual life has been nailed down to this question. Spiritual comfort food OR the bread of idleness? This is what I mean. In the "Wives" prayer, there is a section where you confess much of the Proverbs 31 passage over your life, and it says in Proverbs 31 that that woman (who I want to be, who I am) refuses to eat the bread of idleness. The Amplified version of the Bible uses that phrasing and provides some insight-slash-a vocabulary lesson. Bread of idleness, meaning discontent, gossip, or self-pity. The discontent andself-pity really jumped out at me, but now that I think about it... (deep sigh) the gossip does too. (Suffice it to say that it's just too much Facebook for me.) Anyway, back to the discontent and self-pity. WHOAAAAAA. Hold on just a minute there, dontcha know, Bobby (ya know, Bobby's World, the cartoon...?). You mean to tell me that, with all that I am going through and as hard as my life is, I can't turn my entire life into a pity party and the whole world around me into an ugly pity party dancefloor? Seriously? You mean to tell me that I can't get fat off the bread of idleness by sulking, pouting, and raging about, all while doing absolutely nothing productive? Okay, not nothing, but the idleness is showing!
Now let's talk about my spiritual comfort food. That's the Word. As much as I want to make the Word the very foundation of my life, when I'm down, I often turn away from it, relegating it to my daily reading routine and that's it. (And I've been down a lot lately.) However, I mentioned earlier that I read the "To Walk in the Word" prayer, and I just sat there reading that prayer and confessing that Word over my life and re-reading the Scriptures it referenced. I felt such peace and comfort. Ummm, the peace that passes all understanding, duhhh. Where have I been? Why have I been so distrusting of the Lord, so unwilling to believe that His Word is a comfort, that it's filling and satisfying? And all I want is to be satisfied by God. Alas, the past is in the past, and here I am feeling quite full.
So I think this season has officially been tipped on its head with one question:
Bread of Idleness or Spiritual Comfort Food?
...Because what goes in, is what's going to come out. And then what will I have to bring before the Lord?
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